Man Tries To Convince Police That Heroin Is Actually Vitamins

I'd probably avoid making this a part of my health regimen. This is "Crappy News" for Tuesday, April 10th.

Ocean Park, WA- A woman was arrested after assaulting a family member...with her boobs.

Back in January, 46-year-old Jennifer Chipman got into an argument with one of her male relatives. The bickering continued as Chipman was trying to take some of her stuff out of his house.

So...she decided to wield her womanly weaponry.

Chipman removed her shirt and bra and charged at the victim boobs-first, and he wound up hitting his head on a wall. She then rubbed her bare breasts on the guy's brother and his nephew...and ran outside and peed on the driveway.

Chipman was arrested for assault and was due in court last week...but she no-showed, so now there's a warrant out for her arrest. She could now face a year in jail and a $5,000 fine. [Chinook Observer]

Just thought I'd keep you abreast of the details of the story.

Daly City, CA- Two kids used a classic trick to try to buy beer.

The duo attempted the "tall man" stunt late last month at a convenience store...one of them sat on the other's shoulders while wearing a large trench coat. They tried to convince a customer to buy them beer, but it didn't work.

The witness wrote on a community message board that the kids were posing as an undercover detective, investigating the Illuminati. The "tall man" claimed to have left his ID at the police station  [San Francisco Chronicle]

I'm glad I wasn't working that counter. I'm not sure I'd be able to resist.

Marion County, FL- A man had an odd explanation for the drugs in his pocket.

Cops were investigating a theft case while speaking with 44-year-old William Washington on Sunday. The officer asked Washington to empty his pockets and a clear baggie containing a brown substance fell to the ground. Washington immediately tried to hide the baggie by stepping on it.

When police asked what was in the bag, Washington replied that it was his "daily vitamins." At least he didn't try to blame it on the wind.

AMAZINGLY, the cop didn't buy it, and the contents tested positive for heroin. Washington was arrested for drug possession. The police department shared details of the arrest on its Facebook page, and added the caption "we're pretty sure your daily recommended dose of heroin is zero!" [Miami Herald]

Look at these officers...keeping the streets safe AND giving out nutritional advice.

Follow Slater on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and listen live @ Q923.net or with the NEW Q92.3 mobile app!